Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Theory of Natural Selection Concerning Dwarves in The English Industrial Revolution

Written by Patrick P
Theory compiled by; Henry B and William D
with additional assistance from Patrick P

The Industrial Revolution was an excellent time for the English and many people prospered from it. Enormous, complicated machines where being built which paved the way for the modern age to take off. With all these machines being put into local factory use, some problems arose. The machines started to break down quite regularly due to poor maintenance. Although workers tried their best to rectify this problem, all efforts where useless because employees where simply too big to fit into the machines to clean them out.

The problem was solved when one day a man by the name of Elbert McKenny brought his family along to the Manchester Timber Mill’s annual family day. One of the main saws had broken down because of sawdust clogging and copious amounts of soot build-up in one of its larger chimneys. Elbert’s son, Billy decided to have a play around on the old, unused machine but catastrophically, while he was climbing the third and largest of the chimneys he momentarily lost his footing and fell through the rusted vent to his ultimate death. On his way down, Billy shifted a particularly large clump of soot and in doing so the cogs where able to move freely again.

This horrific accident serendipitously solved one of England’s largest troubles of the time and a new class of worker emerged. This new class was similar to the classic chimney sweep with the exception that these new workers would have to not only clean chimneys and ventilation shafts but also maintain the general upkeep of the mammoth machines.

These workers were no ordinary laborers they were women and children. Women and children were the only ones small enough to fit inside the machinery which made them superbly equipped for this new task. For a few months all was excellent again in England until employees began to complain about the serious risks they were facing everyday in upholding the cleanliness of the factories.

The main complaints were of injuries sustained to the staff. These injuries included; loss of limb(s), grievous bodily harm and more importantly, loss of life. Women where once again told that their place was at the home cooking and cleaning and children where said to be too innocent to be working such difficult and hazardous tasks. The question was raised once again as to who or what would replace them as maintenance people.

Small men were the obvious people to do these tasks now but were quickly dismissed, as their place was to run the factories. Dwarves were the final answer as they were seen to have no other meaningful tasks in society. Many people where skeptical about this new solution but after a mere week on the job they were seen as the perfect machinery cleaners and were referred to as the miracle men of the industrial age.

Decades passed and changes started to occur in the physical appearance and nature of the dwarves. All of the slow and rotund dwarves had died out due to similar injuries sustained by the women and children and only the quickest and most agile of dwarves managed to survive the deathly machines.

A new breed of super dwarf had emerged that was more superior to any generation before it. They were stronger, quicker and smarter than all previous dwarves and because of the vast number of machines England had at the time, most dwarves were now a part of this super race.

This in turn supports the theory of natural selection among dwarves in the English Industrial Revolution. It was quite literally, “survival of the fittest” in all of its aspects.

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